Sir,
I watched the BBC's program "Luther", a fly-on-the wall documentary about the Serious Crime Unit in London. Your detectives are a fine body of men, working hard to keep the public safe from satanists, diamond thieves and nutters armed with hammers. I salute them.
But what hideous neckties they all wear! Talk about a serious crime! I had to stop watching. And what's the point of even wearing a tie if you're going to subvert the whole idea by leaving the knot half-way down your front, like a teenage oik trudging unwillingly to school?
Is it any wonder that the streets of London are full of glue sniffers, if this is the example the police set?
I've voted Conservative all my life, but this is the final straw.
Yours faithfully,
Maynard Dingethorpe
 |
The Home Office replies:
Standards began to fall with DI Regan of The Flying Squad. Regan would often show up disheveled after arising from the bed of a loose doxie.
ReplyDeleteIt's pathetic what criminals have to deal with from the police.
One has to respect the Home Office for responding to a complaint in such a helpful and informative way. Now I'm going to send them an email about the policemen who pestered female motorists in their underpants.
ReplyDeleteThose fuckers in the Home Office obviously have *way* too much time on their hands...
ReplyDeleteUpdates on Hutton and Achewood on the same day.
ReplyDeleteHoka hay! It's a good day to die.
That fuckin' traffic warden better remember her manners this day. That's all I'm saying.
Lazlo Toth move over
ReplyDeleteAmerican spelling from the Home Office. Now THAT's a decline in standards.
ReplyDeleteI find the name Maynard Dingethorpe suspicious.
ReplyDeleteTherein may lie the answer to this enigma.
What were the female motorists doing in their underpants??
ReplyDeleteI took policemen more seriously when they wore hats. A man looks a damn fool without one.
ReplyDelete-Harry the Hatter
Thank's for your informatin and
ReplyDeletevery nice youe post ^___^
http://translate.google.com/translate?sl=id&tl=en&u=http%3A//obatwasiruntukibuhamil.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteMy Dear Mr Obat Wasir Untuk Ibu Hamil
What a very fortuitous coincidence. I must tell you that the Memsahib, a woman of immense bodily mass and the disposition of a rabid she-leopard, is at this writing, both gravid with an heir to the Brocket estate, and in constant pain from an infestation of anal strawberries that has defeated Western medical science. The breakfast table at Chez Brocket is not, just at the moment, a happy place. A movement towards the marmalade, a lifting of the coffee-cup, can elicit from her Rubensesque lisps language that I did not dream, upon our wedding day, that she would ever know, let alone utter.
So I should be happy to place a firm order for a five-gallon drum of Indonesian dingleberry-slap, and an AnalAnulus (TM) chair cushion (the largest, "TractorTyre"' size, please).
The difficulty, of course, is payment. I note that you helpfully provide a number of bank accounts in Tasikmalaya, but I fear that option is a little racy even for one of my proven financial gullibility. I am able to make payment in any one of the following currencies: Turkish lira, live piglets, ten-glass bottles of finest Old Bushmills Whiskey-with-an-e, or Bitcoin. Please communicate at your earliest convenience your preference in this matter, and your price in the currency agreed upon, in order that we may proceed to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.
I remain, Sir, your obedient, nay, arse-kissing, servant,
Thon Brocket BA, Order of the White Elephant (Third Class)
Harry I luuuuuuuuuuuv you!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is on the way out, I see. Hope all is well with you Harry.
ReplyDeleteThis blog isn't on the way out. Hutton will keep on slipping in posts when you've given him up for dead or selling his body in a Turkish brothel. He's like a 80-year-old man who occasionally gets it up enough to have a wank.
ReplyDeleteMerry Critmas Harry
ReplyDeleteOi, Hutton. You been writin' bad poems abaht me then?
ReplyDeleteI'll give you 'voted conservative all my life' what for.