Running away from dogs- the FUN way to fitness
Vibrating ab-belt changed my life
I was unamused by the kitten photos
Chat up line- guaranteed results!
My iPod is a glorified herd of cows
You are more likely to die in a car crash than be eaten by a fox
Which Spice Girl would you eat first?
Woman says her best friends are cats
They're making great strides in China
Buddha joke 2
It's not my real ladder- it's my step-ladder Hitchens bellows at students, sobs uncontrollably
Capricorn- beware of falling masonry King of the blogs competition! This training day is as welcome as a cockroach in my salad I'm in love with a wonderful helicopter
Man, that's what I call real coffee
The Campaign for Real Swearing
How would you like to get your hands on my dong?
This "election" in our revolted colonies is essentially a form of treason
Hitchens' double bluff irony impasse
(That last one from Decline and Fall.)
Hunting debate. Vote now!
07/01/2000 - 08/01/2000
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011
10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011
11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
04/01/2016 - 05/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018
08/01/2024 - 09/01/2024
LIVE BLOGGING THE OSCARS
3.02pm- Tom Cruise appears on the red carpet, wearing a pair of trousers. He looks pleased with himself.
3.27pm- Everyone is taking photos of some woman. I’m not sure who she is.
9.45pm- George Miller’s Happy Feet beats Cars and Monster House for the animated feature Oscar. What? Who?
10.05pm- Tom Cruise announces the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Hollywood’s first woman studio boss, Sherry Lansing. I think we can say that I am bored to tears.
10.07pm- Last decent bit of work Cruise did was Top Gun, if you ask me.
10.40pm- Al Gore wins Best Documentary for An Inconvenient Truth. I hope the stupid bastard gets hit by a bus. Why doesn’t he go and live on the Arctic sea ice, if he likes it so much?
11.51pm- Helen Mirren has wins best actress for The Queen. Apparently, it’s based on a true story, like Robocop. Though set in England.
12.01am- Forest Whitaker wins best actor for playing Idi Amin. Now he really was a cunt, even by Tom Cruise's standards.
12.07am- The Departed wins Best Picture. I haven’t seen it, so I don’t give a toss. I thought Blood Diamond was good, though the De Beers Corporation, and Sierra Leone’s Minister of Tourism expressed reservations about the film.
12.40am- End live blogging. Off to Bedfordshire.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ECONOMICS AND POLITICS
I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point
The time I punched JK Galbraith
Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?
CELEBRITY NEWS
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss
50 Cent almost too stupid to speak
Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman
MEANINGLESS HOAXES
Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan
Correspondence with Boris Johnsons
British Airways- I'll show those fucks
Is this a library or a bordello?
TEACHING ENGLISH
Your child is an illiterate cabbage
Like a trouser, yet not a trouser The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk
Non-academic sub-adult clowning
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
No sane man cares about such things
Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid
The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth
This is a real pain in the arse
BRITAIN
I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps
The British public are deeply stupid The UK's most successful ethnic group
The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin
Reflections on the British drunk
Do you want a punch in the mouth?
How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?
Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists
Many of my best friends are bishops
Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole
COLOMBIA
Shut your cake hole, you lunatic
I don't care about human rights that much
That which does not kill you almost kills you
I don't know how much more I can take
VENEZUELA
Dancing on the deck of the Titanic
You toucha my pies, I shoota you head
The pros and cons of domestic violence
Life? Don't talk to me about life
The evil Castro cured my cough
Breast implants out of control
Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe
One of those parties that got out of hand
Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?
Don King has lots of good ideas
BLOGGERS
The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft
Pie attacks on Professor Krugman Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.
If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time
Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test
THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR
If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung
I am opposed to the hacking off of heads
Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective
Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave
NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational
If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat
The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear
SPORTS JOURNALISM
People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea Please hit our fans with clubs
I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting
PALESTINE
The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip
Someone threw a bomb in our garden
It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die
Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers
AUSTRALIA
Is it wrong to execute Australians?
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation
LITERATURE
Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table
STUDENT WORK
When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad TRAVEL
Christ were those peasants ugly
TODD MATHERS
MISC
Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French If you like rock music you must be stupid
People now idiots- TV to blame
Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock
BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS KILLER FACTS! Killer Fact! (Quality of life index) Killer Fact! (British National Party) Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup) Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)
Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)
Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)
Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)
Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)
Killer Fact! (Australian women)
Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)
Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)
Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)
Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)
Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)
Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)
Killer Fact! (First English sentence)
Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)
Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)
Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)
Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)
Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)
Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)
Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)
Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)
Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)
Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)
Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)
LOL, IDIOT
Thirty years from now, humans will show amusement purely by saying "LOL" in a flat monotone while their faces remain completely devoid of mirth.
Like 1984, this is not a prophesy, but a terrible warning. Deal with it. (I have recently started telling people to “deal with” stuff. You should try it, it’s absolutely infuriating.)
Stand-up comics will mime shocked faces using O's and colons, drawing "smileys" in the air while the audience drone "LOL, LOL, LOL" at the stage.
By the year 2030, all human beings will be known by their first initial followed by the word "Dogg".
“I chewed a piece off your phone while you weren’t looking. Deal with it.”
It makes people want to wring your neck.
MELON MAN IN HEADBUTT RECORD
An Australian man has smashed 40 watermelons by bashing his head against them. Apparently, it's how they choose their leaders down there. He now gets to be Senator for Tasmania.
Whether headbutting melons is the best way of appointing the Upper House is arguable, but it is at least transparent compared to the British system of bribery and bishops.
We can learn a lot from these Australians. 
BRING ME THE HEAD OF AN ANTI-SMOKING INSPECTOR
“Thousands of anti-smoking inspectors are being trained up at a cost of £30 million ready for July, to be sent out to mingle with carefree pub-goers or diners.”
I am offering a reward of £100 to the first person who punches one of these dreadful people on the nose, or £100 towards their legal costs. This is a genuine offer.
Simply email evidence to harryhutton01 -at- yahoo.com I’ll send you a cheque for one hundred English poundies, or its equivalent in chewing tobacco.
You can also make pledges in the comments. If we can raise a fighting fund of £500,000 we can probably drive many of them into exile, arranging for gangs of hoodlums to break their windows, drag them from their homes and tar and feather them.
HERE IS THE NEWS
-CHINESE MAN TO HANG FOR ANT SCAM. A cheat raised $390 million for a fraudulent scheme to breed "giant ants". He promised investors returns of up to 60%.
-Blair announces this week’s crackdowns on gun crime, louts and hate preachers. Next week’s crackdowns are expected to include freaks, punks, fare-dodgers and skateboards.
-One of Colombia's biggest drug traffickers has handed in 3,300 cows to the government.
MAYBE THEY DID OVERDO IT A BIT
"Study finds death of Anna Nicole Smith consumed 50 per cent of all cable news air time last week. Stick a fork in its ass, this civilization is done."
This does seem excessive for a single big-titted woman. (While millions starve! Myself potentially amongst them, come to think of it.*) On the other hand, if the news were simply a round-up of all the Haitians who died in mudslides on a given day no one would watch it.
*Line from Cara Massimina.
GUIDO FAWKES
"The blogger Guido Fawkes has been "outed" as a man who proposed a link up between the Federation of Conservative Students and the British National Party... in 1986."
Brilliant. You can now be denounced for stuff you said around the time of Police Academy 2. This is the internet at its finest.
At my student union they once had a three-hour debate about a photocopier. After a couple of years of exposure to British students you can really see the point of fascism. So if he did propose an alliance with the Hitler Youth, I can totally understand it.
Though this was in The Guardian, so it may well be untrue.
All students are extremists. I myself was a member of the League of Empire Loyalists and the Ulster Volunteer Force when I was that age. It’s all part of growing up.
(See also: You Fuck One Goat)
IVOR COMPLAINT
Brilliant new web blog in the Bucks Free Press, by Ivor, Voice Of The People. It’s like the Pilgrim’s Progress, but set in Wycombe to make it more accessible to local dunderheads. We follow Ivor’s journey as he makes his way from “the pedestrianised area” (i.e. the Slough of Despond) to “the Parish Church where the busses turn off from Castle Street” (i.e. Mount Zion).“At lunchtime today the weather was fine but rather cold so a brisk walk around Wycombe town centre seemed like a nice idea.
Indeed I have. The potholes are a sign of God’s just wrath against the town. It isn’t “urgent pavement repairs” that are needed. It’s Jesus.
As I was walking towards the Parish Church, suddenly, a man stumbled and fell over. He picked himself up and turned and looked back at the pavement where he had fallen. Have you seen the state of the pavements in Wycombe?”
KILLER FACT!
Under the goverment's new anti-terrorist super-ASBOs you can be arrested for "eating fruit that hasn’t been washed".
SHAVEN TEENS
That old Magistrate just posted the 129th sonnet, for some reason.
I dunno, I’m no stranger to self-loathing, but I’ve never really experienced that “expense of spirit” feeling, at any rate not from “lust in action”. I doubt if anyone does, in this day and age.
Shakespeare was writing before the communications revolution, of course. I don’t know if you’ve ever spent six hours googling “fat chicks wrestling” or “shaven teens". That’s when you get hit by the whole expense-of-spirit thing.
GENOCIDE NOT MANY LAUGHS
"Daily Darfur is a daily round-up of news stories about the Darfur genocide. It is not intended to be funny."
Figured as much.
KILLER FACT!
The Scots wash less than normal people and many of them reek like badgers, a study has found. On the other hand, all Scotland is washed by the Gulf Stream.
A graffito in East Belfast. This is a loyalist area, according to Ball Bag. The IRA, whatever else one thinks about them, can at least do basic spelling and grammar. And you have to give them credit for that.
Terrorism is bad enough without spelling mistakes to make it worse.
CHAVEZ GIVEN POWER TO RULE BY DECREE
See, the thing is, I just bought a hammock.
When I was ten my father called me into his study one day.
“There are two types of people in this world,” he said. “Those with hammocks, and those without hammocks. I don’t ever want you to be one of those people.”
“Which people?” I asked. "The ones with hammocks, or the ones without hammocks?”
“Get out!” he roared. “You ungrateful young toad. One more peep out of you and I’ll leave your inheritance to the Cat Orphanage.”
The tragedy is that, as the owner of a hammock, I now get even less done than before. Updating this cretinous site, for example, would involve getting out of hammock and schlepping down the road to find an internet. Frankly, the effort/benefit ratio is too high. So sod off.
(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)
Blogger profile
Normblog profile
Don't Date Him Girl.com
Home video
Twitter page
LINKS
NO2ID
Fitwatch
The Queen
NOT SUITABLE FOR MINERS
Emerald Bile
Hung Bunny
Old Holborn
The Magistrate's Blog
THE BIG LYCHEE
Batgung
Flagrant Harbour
Fumier
Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotsblog
Hemlock's Diary
Nude king
Ordinary Gweilo
Pigdogfucker
Seelai
Simonworld
Give me spirit fingers
The Shaky Kaiser
LAND OF THE DINGO
Tim Blair
Bastards Inc
The Love Quote
Tony T
Will Type for Food
MUD ISLAND
Ambulance driver's blog
Aunty Marianne
Virtual Stoa
Eric the Unread
Apostate Windbag
Backward Dave
Blood and Treasure
Brian Appleyard
Brian Micklethwait
Bristling Badger
British Bulldog
Chicken yoghurt
The man on the Clapham omnibus
Copper's Blog
Crooked Timber
The curmudgeon
Ian Dale
Deleted by tomorrow
Devil's Kitchen
Disappointed of West Egg
Doctor Vee
Drink soaked Trostykist popinjays for war
Dsquared
Eskimo
Fat Sparrow
A Fistful of Euros
Flying Rodent
Frank Chalk
Freedom and Whisky
Guest speaker's and writer's corner
Guido Fawkes
Hak Mao
Harry's Place
Horse's Ass Pub
Inspector Gadget
Jah Jah Dub
Japing Ape
Jomama
Jonny Billericay
JuliusB
Konichiwa Bitches
It's a dog's life
Laban the Tall
A Londoner's Life
Manuel Estimulo
My boyfriend is a twat
Natalie Solent
Nick Barlow
Normblog
Patrick Crozier
Pooter Geek
Pub philosopher
Samizdata
Scary Duck
Shuggy
Streams of Consciousness
Squander Two
Tampon Teabag
Thin Blue Line
This is this
Tim Worstall
Twenty Major
Where's the Kaboom?
REVOLTED COLONIES
Alicublog
Angua
Aunt Jemima
Bete du jour
Blair Necessities
Bogol
Demokat
Firedoglake
Jessica Coen
MaxSpeak
Publius Pundit
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Spacestation Shuttle Blog
Tony Pierce
Vice Squad
Zembla
SEAL-CLUBBING DOMINION
Eroticalee (Achtung! Not worksafe.)
LIVING THE VENEZUELAN DREAM
Caracas Chronicles
The Devil's Excrement
vcrisis
Alfredo Octavio
Venezuela News and Views
Oil Wars
Borev
Colombia Reports
HUGUENOTS
Brad Delong
Kim Du Toit
WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGES. JOIN THE NO2ID CAMPAIGN
email: harryjhutton{*}yahoo.com
©Not copyright. Take anything you like, I couldn't give a toss.