Running away from dogs- the FUN way to fitness
Vibrating ab-belt changed my life
I was unamused by the kitten photos
Chat up line- guaranteed results!
My iPod is a glorified herd of cows
You are more likely to die in a car crash than be eaten by a fox
Which Spice Girl would you eat first?
Woman says her best friends are cats
They're making great strides in China
Buddha joke 2
It's not my real ladder- it's my step-ladder Hitchens bellows at students, sobs uncontrollably
Capricorn- beware of falling masonry King of the blogs competition! This training day is as welcome as a cockroach in my salad I'm in love with a wonderful helicopter
Man, that's what I call real coffee
The Campaign for Real Swearing
How would you like to get your hands on my dong?
This "election" in our revolted colonies is essentially a form of treason
Hitchens' double bluff irony impasse
(That last one from Decline and Fall.)
Hunting debate. Vote now!
07/01/2000 - 08/01/2000
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11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018
08/01/2024 - 09/01/2024
KILLER FACT!
A gram of cocaine in New Zealand costs $714 US, equivalent to 20.4 anvils.
World Cocaine Prices In Anvils
New Zealand- 20.4
Australia- 7.1
United States- 3.1
Italy- 3.1
Hong Kong- 2.7
Britain- 2.6
Ireland- 2.5
Brazil- 0.34
Argentina- 0.17
Colombia- 0.06
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ECONOMICS AND POLITICS
I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point
The time I punched JK Galbraith
Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?
CELEBRITY NEWS
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss
50 Cent almost too stupid to speak
Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman
MEANINGLESS HOAXES
Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan
Correspondence with Boris Johnsons
British Airways- I'll show those fucks
Is this a library or a bordello?
TEACHING ENGLISH
Your child is an illiterate cabbage
Like a trouser, yet not a trouser The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk
Non-academic sub-adult clowning
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
No sane man cares about such things
Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid
The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth
This is a real pain in the arse
BRITAIN
I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps
The British public are deeply stupid The UK's most successful ethnic group
The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin
Reflections on the British drunk
Do you want a punch in the mouth?
How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?
Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists
Many of my best friends are bishops
Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole
COLOMBIA
Shut your cake hole, you lunatic
I don't care about human rights that much
That which does not kill you almost kills you
I don't know how much more I can take
VENEZUELA
Dancing on the deck of the Titanic
You toucha my pies, I shoota you head
The pros and cons of domestic violence
Life? Don't talk to me about life
The evil Castro cured my cough
Breast implants out of control
Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe
One of those parties that got out of hand
Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?
Don King has lots of good ideas
BLOGGERS
The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft
Pie attacks on Professor Krugman Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.
If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time
Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test
THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR
If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung
I am opposed to the hacking off of heads
Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective
Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave
NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational
If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat
The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear
SPORTS JOURNALISM
People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea Please hit our fans with clubs
I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting
PALESTINE
The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip
Someone threw a bomb in our garden
It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die
Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers
AUSTRALIA
Is it wrong to execute Australians?
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation
LITERATURE
Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table
STUDENT WORK
When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad TRAVEL
Christ were those peasants ugly
TODD MATHERS
MISC
Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French If you like rock music you must be stupid
People now idiots- TV to blame
Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock
BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS KILLER FACTS! Killer Fact! (Quality of life index) Killer Fact! (British National Party) Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup) Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)
Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)
Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)
Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)
Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)
Killer Fact! (Australian women)
Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)
Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)
Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)
Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)
Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)
Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)
Killer Fact! (First English sentence)
Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)
Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)
Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)
Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)
Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)
Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)
Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)
Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)
Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)
Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)
Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)
NEWS ROUNDUP
A departing Blair frees 25 thousand villains, crisis in the Middle East, pillow fight in the Big Brother house, and Krugman goes to Sicily on a cycling holiday.
I’m not going to provide links anymore. My good name should suffice.
Horoscopes:
Capricorn- You are summoned to see the Minister. Your article in the Orlando Sentinel has gravely wounded the feelings of the Chinese people.
Virgo- The tedium finally becomes unbearable.
THE ORDER OF THE FAT DICKHEAD
"Iran has stepped up its protest over the knighthood awarded by Britain to Salman Rushdie... Britain denied that the award was intended to insult Islam."
It was an insult all right- to Rushdie. Maybe this nonsense still impresses foreigners, but to the British "knight" simply means "famous dickhead in his fifties" or "fat crook who donates to the Labour Party".
Sir Cliff Richard, Sir Jimmy Saville, Sir Elton John, Sir Bono... I could go on. Giving one to someone with talent and brains, rather than yet another ignorant blatherskite of the Ian Botham type, is most unusual, even if it wasn’t a deliberate slight. "Everybody has a summer holiday.
It seems to me that if you award knighthoods for that sort of thing, the bar has been set pretty low. Unless you want to try to argue that Sir Cliff embodies the knightly virtues of wysedom, verite, humylite and swiftness.
Doin' things they always wanted to.
So we're goin' on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true..."
The country has been going to the dogs for as long as I can remember. But sometime between the Cliff Richard knighthood and Prescott’s promotion to Deputy Prime Minister, I think we can say that we finally arrived at the dogs. And here we all are, at the dogs.
If you seek the dogs, look around you.
ESSENTIAL HOLIDAY PHRASES
At the beach:
“J'ai un paquet charmant de noix de coco.”
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. (To a Frenchman)
“Ci bisogna il permesso del barone per scoppare.”
You need the Baron’s permission to fuck. (Italian)
At the hotel:
"Deine Katze ist ein moralischer Idiot"
Your cat is a moral idiot (German)
위대한 당의 령도밑에 조국의 존엄과 위력이 힘있게 떨쳐지고 사회주의강성대국건설을 위한 선군혁명총진군이 힘있게
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Let’s mutilate US imperialism. (Korean)
“Vienen unos osos. ¡Que mamera!”
Some bears are coming. What a pain in the arse! (Spanish)
THE PEACH STATE TALIBAN
Oral news- That kid who was sentenced to ten years in jail for a blowjob had his sentence overturned. Wisdom and common sense prevailed for 90 minutes or so, but were quickly stamped on, and the state is appealing the decision. He has already been in jail for more than two years, but they feel this is unduly lenient for the crime of getting one’s weasel greased in the State of Georgia, and are trying to make him serve the full decade.
I am not a lawyer -nor am I an authority on chugging cock- and it is possible that I have overlooked something. Is there more to this case than meets the eye, or are these people really as deranged as they appear to be?
The Iraq War; the existence of God; should you put the milk in first: these are all things about which reasonable people might disagree. But you simply cannot have a discussion with someone who believes that imprisoning someone for ten years is a suitable response to a teenager getting a blowjob.
The main difference between Britain and the US, it seems to me, is that the former is run by incompetents, whereas the latter is run by madmen and sadists.
THE PARIS HILTON PRISON DIARIES
"DAY 1: Arrived late Sunday night. Asked if I could check into my room immediately. Quite possibly the rudest concierge I have ever met. I told him he was fired..."
(Via Tim Blair)
MY PALESTINIAN TAXI HELL
Just got an email saying, “Amazon.com recommends the ethnic cleansing of Palestine.”
If you look around the world, you’ll find that there’s a strong negative correlation between the amount of ethnic cleansing and the amount of taxi cleansing. Every time you put the seatbelt on in a Gaza taxi you get a diagonal stripe of crud across your front.
And a dirty shirt is a discourtesy to others.
Their taxis work like buses, so you share them with other people. One day I was on my way to work when this young toad –one of our students, in fact- emptied a slush drink into my lap. His mother was all, “I’m sorry my son spilt slush drink on sir's expensive trousers.” But he didn’t spill it, the little bastard poured it. I really wanted to punch his fat fucking face.
I don't know how Fisk has coped with it all, these 30 years. He's got some nice suits. It's a miracle he's still sane.
Another suit ruined.
(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)
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