ROUND BEDS, MIRRORED CEILINGS
Japanese Love Hotels are having trouble raising capital, according the Straits Times. Trade remains brisk, but there was over-investment during the boom years, and banks still don’t regard them as quite respectable.

And why can’t the Japanese make beasts of themselves in the privacy of their own homes? Because there is no privacy: they live in tiny overcrowded apartments, some still with rice paper walls. For really frantic debauchery you need to go out.

I once spent a couple of hours in one of these establishments. It had a round bed and a mirrored ceiling, but in the event I didn’t enjoy myself as much as I had hoped. That mirrored ceiling put me off: I was worried that it would fall off the ceiling and kill me.

An interesting question, and one that you might like to consider, is why round beds should be considered more exciting than square or rectangular ones. They are certainly less practical, since human beings are approximately rectangular in shape, and there is thus no portion of a rectangular bed that cannot comfortably be slept upon; whereas any round bed, unless the diameter is enormous, will have areas over the side of which one's head and feet would protrude, if one attempted to lie there. As soon as I hit the money I'm going to buy a ROTATING round bed. I'll get my servants to lay out trays of snacks around the edge. Then, instead of having to stand up to get food, I can lie on my bed and take snaps at it as I rotate past.

And I'm definitely going to get a mirrored ceiling. Consider the advantages: while you are having sex of yourself you can check that your hair is still looking stylish, and perhaps trim your moustache. It allows you to look your best, no matter how frantic the debauchery. And if there is a ninja hiding behind the curtains, plotting a surprise attack, you can spot him before it's too late. "You there! Come on out, you little bleeder. The game is up." (Don't forget to confiscate his fighting sticks, or he'll be back, mark my words.)


Tip from me: there will be several channels of free filth on the TV; do not touch this as it will cause a row with your girlfriend and, at several dollars a minute, the very last thing you want is any kind of conversation breaking out. They’ll charge you an extra hour.
- posted by Harry Hutton @ 9:03 am