Disappointed to see the Mail on Sunday's Peter Hitchens stealing peanuts in the British Airways lounge yesterday. When his flight to Tenerife flight was called he looked around furtively and crammed about eight packets into his underpants.
"Give over, ah wor fair starving," the oaf roared, in his broad Yorkshire accent, when I remonstrated with him.
On reflection, I'm not certain it was Hitchens.
- posted by Harry Hutton @ 9:49 pm
2 comments in a year? It's overkill. Please take another sabbatical.
Oddly, I was just reading about you on the BBC site- "Mr Symonds, whose username was "Chase me ladies, I'm the Cavalry", told the Guardian that Wikipedia had barred a user called "Contribsx" because the account had been used to make changes to Mr Shapps' profile". See http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-33055855
Let that be a lesson to you, Harry. Never try to identify a man unless you've smelt his armpits. That man could have been a trained assassin, rather that the pontificating sissy journalist you took him for. In a fight between you and Hitchens, I am confident that you would pulverise his testicles.
He's probably stocking up for winter, like all good Yorkshiremen. Usually they employ some handy hollow oak near their cave, but when travelling even a northerner can get creative in re holes for storage...
I saw Peter Hitchens at a grocery store in London yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Cadbury bars in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I can quite believe it. I once saw Hitchens on a bus in El Paso stealing from an old woman's handbag. He was wearing a cowboy hat and was enormously fat, so I didn't immediately recognise him. But it was Hitchens all right. When I remonstrated with him, he ran away, wheezing like a knackered old hippo.
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Hutton, I hope you're going to reply to Julia's commnent above. A man with your limited experience of life should be grateful to receive such advice from a woman well-versed in the vicissitudes of human relationships.
Hitchens is everywhere. I saw him up a tree stealing eggs from endangered species. He said he was only checking to see if they were ok. Had acquired quite a suntan from this type of thing. And was wearing a penis-gourd, a cunning disguise. But it was definitely him.