Running away from dogs- the FUN way to fitness
Vibrating ab-belt changed my life
I was unamused by the kitten photos
Chat up line- guaranteed results!
My iPod is a glorified herd of cows
You are more likely to die in a car crash than be eaten by a fox
Which Spice Girl would you eat first?
Woman says her best friends are cats
They're making great strides in China
Buddha joke 2
It's not my real ladder- it's my step-ladder Hitchens bellows at students, sobs uncontrollably
Capricorn- beware of falling masonry King of the blogs competition! This training day is as welcome as a cockroach in my salad I'm in love with a wonderful helicopter
Man, that's what I call real coffee
The Campaign for Real Swearing
How would you like to get your hands on my dong?
This "election" in our revolted colonies is essentially a form of treason
Hitchens' double bluff irony impasse
(That last one from Decline and Fall.)
Hunting debate. Vote now!
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IRA STATEMENT
"Dear cuntos,The IRA have thrown down their arms? I had no idea. These days I get most of my news from this guy, and I have no very clear idea what is happening.
Yes, I know we've been blowing people up willy-nilly for years now and justifying it with some tired old shite about a united Ireland. You, me and the wall know that's never going to happen so we, the IRA leadership, have decided to throw down our arms..." (Twenty Major)
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ECONOMICS AND POLITICS
I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point
The time I punched JK Galbraith
Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?
CELEBRITY NEWS
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss
50 Cent almost too stupid to speak
Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman
MEANINGLESS HOAXES
Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan
Correspondence with Boris Johnsons
British Airways- I'll show those fucks
Is this a library or a bordello?
TEACHING ENGLISH
Your child is an illiterate cabbage
Like a trouser, yet not a trouser The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk
Non-academic sub-adult clowning
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
No sane man cares about such things
Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid
The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth
This is a real pain in the arse
BRITAIN
I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps
The British public are deeply stupid The UK's most successful ethnic group
The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin
Reflections on the British drunk
Do you want a punch in the mouth?
How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?
Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists
Many of my best friends are bishops
Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole
COLOMBIA
Shut your cake hole, you lunatic
I don't care about human rights that much
That which does not kill you almost kills you
I don't know how much more I can take
VENEZUELA
Dancing on the deck of the Titanic
You toucha my pies, I shoota you head
The pros and cons of domestic violence
Life? Don't talk to me about life
The evil Castro cured my cough
Breast implants out of control
Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe
One of those parties that got out of hand
Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?
Don King has lots of good ideas
BLOGGERS
The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft
Pie attacks on Professor Krugman Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.
If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time
Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test
THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR
If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung
I am opposed to the hacking off of heads
Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective
Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave
NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational
If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat
The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear
SPORTS JOURNALISM
People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea Please hit our fans with clubs
I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting
PALESTINE
The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip
Someone threw a bomb in our garden
It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die
Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers
AUSTRALIA
Is it wrong to execute Australians?
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation
LITERATURE
Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table
STUDENT WORK
When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad TRAVEL
Christ were those peasants ugly
TODD MATHERS
MISC
Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French If you like rock music you must be stupid
People now idiots- TV to blame
Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock
BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS KILLER FACTS! Killer Fact! (Quality of life index) Killer Fact! (British National Party) Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup) Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)
Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)
Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)
Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)
Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)
Killer Fact! (Australian women)
Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)
Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)
Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)
Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)
Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)
Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)
Killer Fact! (First English sentence)
Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)
Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)
Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)
Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)
Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)
Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)
Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)
Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)
Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)
Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)
Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)
IN THE SPRING A YOUNG MAN’S FANCY LIGHTLY TURNS TO THOUGHTS OF HELICOPTERS
I met a girl the other day. I think I’m in love.Maria, Maria, Mareeeeeya,
Actually, her name’s Claudia. All that Maria nonsense was just a smokescreen. This girl... she’s kind of annoying; but I love her father. He has helicopters and oil companies and things of that kind. Frankly, women whose fathers don’t own helicopters do not interest me. They are so shallow.
I just met a girl named Maria.
When I’ve married her, I’ll kill him, of course. And then I’ll kill her. Then I’ll be able to have what I’ve always dreamed of: a Palmtop Computer, for addresses and stuff.
Marry money. The woman gets old and wrinkled, but the money always stays beautiful.
SKANK? HO?
Bish, in the comments, writes: As I recall the four horsmen of the appocalypse were War, Disease, Famine and Skank-Ho.
I know little of these skank hos. I’ve been out of the country for a while, and I’m concerned that my slang may no longer be pitch perfect. I don’t want to sound like someone’s Embarrassing Dad, affecting the demotic and getting it wrong. (Is it true that the young people now wear “hoodsies” as they listen to their “skiffle music”?)
Seriously, what’s a skank ho?
TEACHING ENGLISH TO CRETINS, PART CXVII
A man hovered around waiting for me after a class, looking all shifty, and said, "Harry, can I ask you something?" So far, so normal. It happens every day. Usually it’s some point of grammar or pronunciation. Or sometimes they ambush me with some piece of nonsense from a pop song, usually quite untranslatable, and, wearily, I explain that lines like Shake it to the left and Don’t phunk [sic] with my heart either mean nothing at all, or else contain a meaning so trite as to be not worth bothering with. Almost the only pop music that goes to the trouble of including a meaning is rap, because the music seems to be written around the words, rather than vice versa. It is full of violence and misogyny and race-hatred, but even that is better than saying "Sha be dee, sha be doo," and leaving it at that.
The other day a woman came to me for help. It was urgent: she was having trouble understanding a Britney Spears song. “But you’re a grown up!” I wanted to say. Thirty-five if she’s a day; and if you’re in your thirties and still listening to that crap, you may as well cut your losses and shoot yourself. Seriously, what’s the point of even being alive? (Having spent fifteen minutes trying to dredge some kind of meaning out of Whoops I Did It Again, I was asking myself the same question.) C'mon baby, c'mon darling, ooh yeah
Death, where is thy sting?
C'mon, let me be the one
C'mon now, oh yeah...
[Repeat chorus]
But my student was about to ask me a question. As I say, every day students ask me questions, but this guy's question was even more stupid than usual: had I read the Book of Revelations? The lesson had been about phrasal verbs, and I wondered where this had come from. I told him I had leafed through it. Couldn't I see that it was all coming true? I agreed that it was very worrying, then told him I had an appointment and escaped. A woeful lunatic.
THE INGLEHART VALUES MAP
If you stare too long at the Inglehart Values Map, the Inglehart Values Map stares back into you. 
What bloody nonsense is this? Here are some key findings:-In terms of values Canada is an English-speaking country. (In socio-economic questions I always file them mentally with the free-orange-juice lands of Scandinavia.)
-Australians aren't even as rational as Italians. In fact, all the former axis-powers are these days quite rational, with the exception of Romania. And even they aren't as irrational as the Irish.
-El Salvador is the world's most irrational place.
-"The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore." (H.L.Mencken.)
POLICE WARNING: RUN FOR IT! IT'S THE PIGS!
If the police fired eight rounds into my head as I was boarding a train I would be disappointed, but not particularly surprised. For I live in Caracas, and the Venezuelan police, like many Latin American police forces, operate British-style death squads.
A couple of weeks ago they massacred three young men in a car, in what bore all the hallmarks of a UK-style extra-judicial execution. Which is scandalous, but nothing unusual. Normally, no one would mind; but this time their victims turned out to be university students, instead of ordinary riff-raff, so it ended up being a real pain in the arse for the authorities. Chavez said he would abolish the police forces responsible, if that was how they were going to behave. They could be replaced with, I dunno, some kind of workers’ militia.
I would be sorry to see that happen. The Venezuelan Police are the finest in the world. That was a joke, by the way: they’re appalling; and if you see them you should run away as fast as you can. If you stop to ask directions, they will generally shoot you like a dog rather than take chances. But, as in London, if they shout, “Stop! Police!” and fire several warning shots into your head, you should give yourself up, and ask to contact your Embassy. That is only common sense.
It might not be immediately obvious that they are policemen, however. When they murdered the students they were in plain clothes and balaclavas. How the public are supposed to distinguish them from bank robbers is a good question.
KILLER FACT!
Tony Blair spends more on make up than the average British woman, but less than Rupaul and Hugo Chavez.
Chavez addresses the Community
of Andean Nations
YOU AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU BOY?
"Is there such a thing as a black person from Buckinghamshire?" asks the Hungbunny.
There are a few, I'm told, in the Lower East Side of Bourne End, and places like that. But we're still not as cosmopolitan as Rio de Janeiro, or Berkshire. In fact, we used to have a sign up for travellers arriving from Berkshire: "Welcome to Buckinghamshire," it said, "the Ancient Homelande of the Christian Whites."
The County Council recently changed this to, "A great place to work... A great place to live." Which isn't brilliant, but still trumps Wiltshire with their, "Welcome to Wiltshire; please recycle your unwanted tins." Wankers!
Imagine coming from Wiltshire! What a thing to have to live with!
LABAN THE WISE
"What's all this about a bomb? Surely the point is that the guy jumped the ticket barrier - depriving Transport For London of valuable revenue.
Comment by Laban the Tall.
The Chinese call it 'economic sabotage' and it carries the death penalty there, too."
KILLER FACT!
In “shootouts with the police” in Latin America, one policeman dies for every five villains / pedestrians / people going home with the shopping. In Venezuela the ratio is 1 / 50. (Source: TalCual) Don't have the figures for Britain, but I can tell you that today it's one-nil to the Police.
If you are car-jacked in Brazil the police will often open fire on the whole car, massacring with equal enthusiasm the just and the unjust.
I CONSIDER MYSELF INSULTED
I was on the radio yesterday trying to pass myself off as some kind of international expert. (I was talking about the Great Big War Against Terror.) Fortunately, I’m no stranger to feeling like a fraud, and I don’t think anyone suspected that I was making stuff up. Think I got away with it. Near the end of the show a woman phoned the station and said, “Invaders! Imperialists! ...they’re already going to invade the country, and now they’ve invaded the media.” She said I should go back to North America. “He’s from England,” they told her. “Bandits!” she argued.
"Imperialist" I´ll grant you, and "bandit" I can live with; but I’m inclined to cavil at "American".
Anyway, I’ll get over it. As a white person from Buckinghamshire, I have suffered a lot from discrimination.
TERROR ATTACK LESS INTERESTING THAN SEALS
These bombs are frightfully tedious. I admire everyone’s refusal to be impressed, but it’s time to go beyond that, to being hardly even interested. Next time someone sets off a bomb in London I’m just going to yawn, and see what’s on Animal Planet.
Were you aware that the Weddell Seal can travel underwater for seven hours without surfacing? I was, because I watch Animal Planet.
WAR FEVER
"From now on you must attack wherever and whenever I least expect it." ...Clouseau opens fridge; Cato leaps out, screaming, and seizes him by the throat.
I have a friend who works in an army base in Caracas, and she says that this is what the atmosphere is currently like: everyone doing surprise attacks on everyone else; pouncing when they are not looking; trying to sneak past security with joke bombs, etc.
They are expecting to be attacked any day now, at least the President is, at least he says he is. (Like most outbreaks of lunacy around here, this is traceable to Chavez.) Hearing him speak you would think the dictator George Bush had massed his tanks on the border, and an invasion was absolutely imminent. Everyone is talking about “asymmetric warfare”, which means that when the insolent boot of the invader sets foot on the sacred soil of the patria, etc., they will have to deal with the Reserves (some fellows with paint on their faces).
“There is no army in the world that can stand up to...” says Chavez. In reality, their puny barricades would hold up an invader for about an hour: 59 minutes laughing, and one minute to drive over them.
A couple of weeks ago mi comandante said that Venezuela shouldn’t sit around waiting to be attacked, but should "take the initiative." If this means what it appears to mean, Chavez is going to invade the United States!
HARRY POTTER BREAKS HIS NECK
So the new Potter book sold 8 billion copies in the first twenty seconds. Big deal. I read the first one, and I didn’t believe a word of it. It’s just one howling whopper after another. A boy wizard goes to a secret Magic School? His mail is delivered by owls? Sorry, but I don’t find that at all plausible. Looking forward, however, to the final instalment- Harry Potter Breaks his Neck.
If your child is serious about comparative mythology, you should be reading them J.G.Frazer’s Golden Bough, not filling their heads with a lot of nonsense about owls.
Customers who bought this book also bought:
-Yemen: Land of the Goat
-Not Many Laughs; 20 Years in a Thai Prison
-Badger-Baiting for Fun and Profit
-I Punched the Cunt; the Authorised Biography of Mad Frankie Fraser
"IF YOU STICK YOUR DICK IN A BEES' NEST, YOU'LL GET STUNG," SAYS REPORT
The Chatham House report "Security, Terrorism and the UK" is out today, linking the terrorism threat to the Iraq War.
"If you stick your dick in a bees' nest, you'll get stung," writes Dr Paul Cornish, head of the group's International Security Programme. "That much is obvious... The Middle East region resembles nothing so much as a seething hive of fanatical killer bees, so you'd think Blair would give it a wide berth. But nooooo. He has to go twatting it with a stick, and now a bunch of bearded headbangers want to blow us up even more than they already did, which was a lot."
Andrew Sullivan, however, says that ultimate blame must rest with the bees themselves. The bees are moral agents, he argues, and must bear the responsibility for their own actions. "Can anyone seriously believe that not invading Iraq would have changed the mindset of such bees?"
THE MAN ON THE CLAPHAM OMNIBUS IS AN ARRESTED CRETIN
The Hungbunny writes:"How many of you lot listen to my podcasts? … Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for feedback so that I can tailor the podcasts to your individual tastes - bollocks to that."
Bollocks to that indeed. It is weak and ignoble to put stuff on your site that you think people will enjoy, or to pay attention to public opinion in any way. It is manifestly the case that the public, particularly the British public, are idiots. To pretend otherwise, and to try to suck up to them, is contemptible. You only have to turn on the television to see where that road leads.
Never forget -or forgive- that the Mr Blobby record sold 765,000 copies. Can you think of an explanation for that, other than the obvious one: that Mr Average Briton is an arrested cretin?
This is why I despise Tony Blair. Had he seized power in a military coup, I might respect the man. But no, he got where he is by pandering to the depraved tastes of British voters, promising them what they want -three acres and a cow, and schools for their ugly children- instead of giving them what they need, which is a bigger navy and an iron fist.
He seems to suffer from a pathetic need to be liked. Not I. The people of Britain can fuck off, as far as I’m concerned.
TOE-RAG
That toe-rag Worstall missed me out of his Britblog Roundup again. Does he have any idea who I am? I could have him killed.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS VERY BEAUTIFUL, BUT UNFORTUNATELY COMPLETELY STUPID
What do you look for in your dream man or woman? I asked some students this -it was supposed to be a class about character adjectives- and the boys came up with this list:1. Sensitive.
They were obviously lying, and I proved they were lying within two minutes when I asked them to name this ideal woman and they named some dancing girl from the television, a woman famous entirely for her arse, rather than her sensitivity, intelligence, etc.
2. Sincere.
3. Intelligent.
4. Sense of humour.
The girls' list was equally mendacious. In South America it is difficult to get a girlfriend if you don't have a car, but you would never have guessed that from their list: faithful; intelligent; good-looking... At least they mentioned looks. The boys were trying to make out that she could have a beard and no front teeth for all they cared.
I asked them, "Would you rather have someone who was ugly but intelligent, or good-looking but stupid?". This idiotic question caused a twenty-minute row. (I could write this on their reports: Senor, your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid.)
I wrote my own list on the board: wealth of father, lack of intelligence ("intelligent women are always contradicting you") and yacht, and they all pretended to be shocked by such blasphemies. But I can recognise phony outrage when I see it; they don't fool me. I don't know why they can't just tell the truth. It's only a bloody English lesson.
When I was in Italy I did this same activity. What's the first thing you look for in a woman? "Shoes," said a guy called Fabio. I thought this very witty and laughed heartily, but it turned out he wasn't joking. "When I see the woman, so beautiful, but is wearing the Doctor Martin, for me is finish." He shuddered, twisting his face into an expression of utter loathing and revulsion, as though he were being force-fed a rat sandwich.
LIP READING
Thinking about the Diana thing: the people who blubbed during the Elton John song, are they the same people who are now walking around with stiff upper-lips, or is it a whole different half of the country?
And the 30% of Londoners were born overseas: do they have SULs too?
SHE KNEW TOO MUCH; THEY DONE HER IN
I just received some bad news. Apparently Princess Diana is dead. She died in a car crash, apparently. In Paris, they say. It seems MI5 and the Tower of London Beefeaters had her whacked*, because she knew too much.
This is dreadful news. On the other hand, we're all right, so sod her. Guys, I feel better already.It seems to me,
Anyway, how are you? You haven't got a sore foot, have you, or a cough in the throat? By God, I hope not.
You lived your life,
Like someone with lots of money,
Being attacked by bees.
*Beefeater slang for assassinated.
KILLER FACT!
According to UNESCO, Venezuela has just overtaken Colombia to become the top country in the world for getting shot dead, despite the handicap of not having a civil war.
Since 1998 Venezuela's murder rate has tripled. I don't know why.
I SPIT ON YOUR COPYRIGHT
Some Trotskyists are accusing John B of stealing their jokes. He ought to be thoroughly ashamed of himself. Tip from me, John: in future you might be better off stealing from Bob Monkhouse, or someone like that. The gags on that that Trotsky site aren’t so very side-splitting:Q. I say, I say, I say. Why does it seem likely that the drive to get the EU Constitution ratified will shortly be abandoned?
None of the stuff here is copyright, by the way. Take anything you like, I couldn’t give a toss. Credit me, don’t credit me; it makes no difference to my life. No one’s going to get rich stealing blog entries.
A. Tell me, tell me.
Q. Because a majority of French voters and (probably) a majority of Dutch voters don’t want it, even though it’s already been ratified by nine of the other 23 member states!
A. I don’t get it.
I steal stuff all the time, and so should you. If someone has already expressed the thought better than I could, it seems to me that there’s no point rearranging the words. It would be good if the interweb were a common pool, where everyone could take what he wanted without people bitching about who thought of what first. Those mean little copyright signs always remind me of the kid at school who covers the test paper with his arm to stop you seeing his answers.
One of the very first things I plagiarised was the phrase Killer Fact, which I stole from Tony Blair. I get a lot of my material from that comedian. He funny.
UPDATE! "My client is only kidding. Steal so much as an apostrophe from Mr. Hutton's work, and the might of the law will descend upon you."
Mr Hutton's Lawyer
KILLER FACT!
There is no such place as Norfolk. No flight to Norwich International Airport has ever arrived. When a traveller tries to reach Norfolk by land he doth plummet off the end of the world.
GEORGE ORWELL
"But I still feel that our ancestors were better at remaining sane in war-time than we are. If you ever have to walk from Fleet Street to the Embankment, it is worth going into the office of the Observer and having a look at something that is preserved in the waiting-room. It is a framed page from the Observer (which is one of our oldest newspapers) for a certain day in June, 1815... The first column is given up to ‘Court and Society’, then follows several columns of advertisements, mostly of rooms to let. Half-way down the last column is a headline SANGUINARY BATTLE IN FLANDERS. COMPLETE DEFEAT OF THE CORSICAN UPRISING. This is the first news of Waterloo!"
HERE BE DRAGONS
Everyone’s all, “These evil barbaric fiends, these monstrous vermin,” and I’m like, “What are you trying to do? Hurt their feelings?” Incidentally, Britain could have 500 such attacks a year and it would still be safer than Colombia (43,000 murders per annum, according to the President’s website). That would quickly become quite tiresome, though, if every time you got on a bus some enemy of democracy blew it up. Anyway, bollocks to it. Even to still be discussing it is to play their game. Let’s talk about something else.
What do you think of that new Toyota? I like the green ones best, though some of the red ones are quite pretty. Blue is calming. My friend just bought a beige one, and suggested I do the same. “Are you insane?” I said. “Beige? With my skin tone?” People have no idea, do they?
Not really interested in cars. For me a car is just a way of getting from A to B, then back again to C, C being a point equidistant between D and E, near Basingstoke.
Travel no further stranger; here be dragons.
JOSHING WHILE ONE'S LIMBS ARE HANGING OFF
I would like to apologise for that last post. At a time when London is under attack it was inappropriate to try and make jokes without including some pious little spirit-of-the-Blitz disclaimer, explaining how joshing while one’s limbs are hanging off is a rich tradition of ours, or something, and a patriotic duty. "I don't want to join the Army,
(Song British soldiers used to sing.)
I don't want to go to war;
I'd rather stay at home,
Living on the earnings of a whore."
MAINTAINING A STIFF UPPER-LIP AS I PISS INTO MY TROUSERS WITH DREAD
Terrorism: the people of Britain are united in their determination to fight this menace, apart from me, and my friend Kevin. I reckon we should all soil ourselves and then surrender; Kevin's emigrating to Tahiti.
"Don't shoot! I'm a collaborator. This way to the bedroom."
But they're not into that, are they? The crazy bombers regard it as immoral. I guess I'll just lock the door and hide under some blankets.
KILLER FOG!
London- more people died in the 1952 Killer Fog than in all the terrorist attacks combined. 
THESE TERRORISTS ARE A RUDDY NUISANCE
OK, so they blew up our tube stations, but we've still got Big Ben. It's ours, not the terrorists', and if any Arab or Eurocrat wants to ship it to Brussels they'll have to prise the fucker from my cold dead fingers. God save the Queen.
In other news, the ants got my honey again. Ants are a bit like terrorists, if you think about it. They're a ruddy nuisance. And foreign ants are much more ruthless about this kind of thing than the law-abiding British ant. It's enough to turn one into an ant racist.
We must retaliate with blind rage.
NO BIGGER THAN A MAN'S HAND
Breast implants: I don't want to interfere in the internal affairs of a sovreign nation, but I'm starting to feel that some of these Venezuelan girls are overdoing it a bit. In fact, the situation is totally out of control. There's a kind of arms race, and what would once have caused a riot of mirth now barely passes for medium. As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding, as Enoch put it. With the tits of the future it will no longer be feasible to fit more than a small fraction into one's hand, let alone one's mouth, and I question whether this is a sensible use of resources. It seems to me that once they expand much beyond a metric handful, diminishing marginal returns set in. I suppose you could always put your face down there and go brrrrr, but what would be the point? What's in it for Hutton?
I'm not going to fritter away my time on that kind of nonsense.
PHOTOS
Bolivar as an Iraqi fedayeen, Caracas slum. 
One of the Cuban clinics. 
Photogenic child. 
Mural. 
This is the Spanish priest who was leader of the ELN. He was always blowing up oil pipelines and getting into scrapes.
I SMELL LIKE A BADGER
Caracas. The water has been cut off for the last two days, so I don't smell too good. Went to the gym yesterday to scour my stinking carcas and, since I was there, I did a sit up, a press up, and then I threw up. The telephone doesn't work either, the internet's on the blink, the lifts are broken; the fucking country's broken.
(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)
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