THIS COUNTRY HAS REALLY GONE TO THE DOGS SINCE JADE GOODY DIED
Yesterday was the last day you could use the internet without the stinking government spying on you. In future I shall check my emails in a series of internet cafés, wearing a Mexican sombrero and dark glasses.

London is the most hellish place I have ever visited. Last time I counted there were five CCTV cameras pointed directly at my front door. These days you would need to be mad –literally insane- to travel on the Underground without a Mexican sombrero.

“Please report any suspicious behaviour to a member of staff.” Whenever I see one of their members of staff I take him to one side and whisper that some fucker keeps filming me. And you have to admit that’s suspicious.

Now when I travel I buy a ticket with my credit card then I pay cash for another ticket heading in the opposite direction. Last weekend, for example, I wanted to visit my old Mum in Norfolk, but I didn’t want the government to know that. So I bought a ticket to Scotland, sending the police haring off in the wrong direction, while I concealed myself in Tie Rack. Then, when the coast was clear, I boarded the Norfolk train wearing a false beard.

And the beauty of the scheme is that my mother doesn’t even live in Norfolk. It was somebody else’s mother! I am outwitting them at every turn.
- posted by Harry Hutton @ 11:23 pm (1) comments