Running away from dogs- the FUN way to fitness
Vibrating ab-belt changed my life
I was unamused by the kitten photos
Chat up line- guaranteed results!
My iPod is a glorified herd of cows
You are more likely to die in a car crash than be eaten by a fox
Which Spice Girl would you eat first?
Woman says her best friends are cats
They're making great strides in China
Buddha joke 2
It's not my real ladder- it's my step-ladder Hitchens bellows at students, sobs uncontrollably
Capricorn- beware of falling masonry King of the blogs competition! This training day is as welcome as a cockroach in my salad I'm in love with a wonderful helicopter
Man, that's what I call real coffee
The Campaign for Real Swearing
How would you like to get your hands on my dong?
This "election" in our revolted colonies is essentially a form of treason
Hitchens' double bluff irony impasse
(That last one from Decline and Fall.)
Hunting debate. Vote now!
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07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018
08/01/2024 - 09/01/2024
KILLER FACT!
The Lunacy Act of 1890 gave mental hospitals the power to detain "lunatics, idiots and persons of unsound mind". The Mental Deficiency Act 1913 increased these powers, establishing a Board of Control to monitor asylums.
How do you go about getting someone sectioned these days? If I gave them an anonymous tip-off that my father was a fruitcake, do you think they’d send a van? Or would I have to provide video evidence of him roaring and throwing potatoes at the neighbours?
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ECONOMICS AND POLITICS
I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point
The time I punched JK Galbraith
Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?
CELEBRITY NEWS
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss
50 Cent almost too stupid to speak
Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman
MEANINGLESS HOAXES
Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan
Correspondence with Boris Johnsons
British Airways- I'll show those fucks
Is this a library or a bordello?
TEACHING ENGLISH
Your child is an illiterate cabbage
Like a trouser, yet not a trouser The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk
Non-academic sub-adult clowning
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
No sane man cares about such things
Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid
The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth
This is a real pain in the arse
BRITAIN
I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps
The British public are deeply stupid The UK's most successful ethnic group
The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin
Reflections on the British drunk
Do you want a punch in the mouth?
How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?
Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists
Many of my best friends are bishops
Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole
COLOMBIA
Shut your cake hole, you lunatic
I don't care about human rights that much
That which does not kill you almost kills you
I don't know how much more I can take
VENEZUELA
Dancing on the deck of the Titanic
You toucha my pies, I shoota you head
The pros and cons of domestic violence
Life? Don't talk to me about life
The evil Castro cured my cough
Breast implants out of control
Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe
One of those parties that got out of hand
Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?
Don King has lots of good ideas
BLOGGERS
The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft
Pie attacks on Professor Krugman Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.
If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time
Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test
THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR
If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung
I am opposed to the hacking off of heads
Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective
Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave
NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational
If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat
The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear
SPORTS JOURNALISM
People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea Please hit our fans with clubs
I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting
PALESTINE
The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip
Someone threw a bomb in our garden
It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die
Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers
AUSTRALIA
Is it wrong to execute Australians?
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation
LITERATURE
Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table
STUDENT WORK
When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad TRAVEL
Christ were those peasants ugly
TODD MATHERS
MISC
Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French If you like rock music you must be stupid
People now idiots- TV to blame
Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock
BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS KILLER FACTS! Killer Fact! (Quality of life index) Killer Fact! (British National Party) Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup) Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)
Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)
Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)
Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)
Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)
Killer Fact! (Australian women)
Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)
Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)
Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)
Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)
Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)
Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)
Killer Fact! (First English sentence)
Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)
Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)
Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)
Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)
Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)
Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)
Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)
Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)
Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)
Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)
Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)
IDIOTS!
"Two more attempts to regain contact with NASA's Mars Global Surveyor spacecraft failed this week."
Ha ha. Stupid Americans can’t even send a spaceship to Mars without fucking it up.
It’s hardly rocket science.
FOOTBALLER, OF ALL PEOPLE, CHARGED WITH ASSAULT
A sad day for sport. The ugly spectre of violence has erupted into football's hushed cloisters:"West Ham defender Anton Ferdinand has been charged with assault and violent disorder."
Nothing could be more alien to the spirit of this wonderful game than a sordid punch-up in a nightclub, but once again a tiny majority of vicious psycopaths is letting everyone down. There must be literally tens of football players who aren’t drunken thugs and wife-beaters.
It is time for them to speak out. Because if this is how the players behave then before you know it West Ham fans might also become violent and disorderly.
Has football lost its innocence?
KILLER FACT!
Parmesan cheese accounts for 10 per cent of thefts from Italian shops —more than any other good.
'GREATEST LIVING ECONOMIST' NOW 28th GREATEST DEAD ONE
Milton Friedman has been killed by stingray, following a titanic underwater struggle.
"Milton was one of the great thinkers and economists of the 20th century," said Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose films include Conan the Destroyer and Twins.
Should we let the invisible hand caress our organ of government, as Friedman argued, or should we reintroduce the Golden Age of Steam? What do you think?
QUEEN RECALLS PARLIAMENT
I can recall parliament, too. It’s that large neo-gothic building full of freaks, next to the river. I just wish I could recall why I bought this porcelain badger on eBay. A fat fucking lot of good that did me. 
And speaking of no use at all, John Reid says that "security in a fast-changing world" will be the central theme of the Queen's Speech. "Mr Reid said security from the front room to the global level will be addressed in the next parliamentary session."
I really feel sorry for the Queen, having to read this hogwash.
DOWNFALL OF AN EVIL GENIUS
A Wisconsin master criminal has been arrested for passing a fake $20 bill. Eagle-eyed sales clerk Teresa Wells first suspected skulduggery when she noticed it was made of photocopier paper, and was blank on one side. Apart from that, it was indistinguishable from the real thing.
In Wisconsin, this person is known as The Phantom.
(Via fark.com)
ARMY BOXER, 67, BEATS THIEVES
How is it that every old man who gets mugged these days turns out to be a former boxing champion, or martial arts instructor for the SAS? It’s starting to get on my nerves. Just once I would like to read that a gang of youths set upon an old man who wasn’t a kung fu champion, gave him a good beating, then ran off with his stuff. An 87-year-old former British karate champion got a nasty surprise Thursday, when he tried to take on a gang of fit young men who attacked him near his home.
"He picked on the wrong muggers,” said gang-leader Terry Scrote (19). “His geriatric martial arts skills were no match for our baseball bats, and he got a real pasting.”
From Hot Chicks With Douchebags.com:
Amazing, isn’t it? I mean, how does someone this twerpish-looking get women like that?
That’s not a criticism, by the way. It’s a serious question. I genuinely want to know how. He could scarcely look more foolish if he wore a pair of moose antlers. What can he possibly have said to them?
(Via Abandon all fear)
THE ANDREW SULLIVAN HOAX
I had a traditional upbringing by neo-Nazi Scottish crofters in the slums of Rio de Janeiro. While I often disagree with whatever Andrew Sullivan is saying –indeed, the opposite is usually the case- I have tremendous admiration for his courage, honesty, clarity of vision, etc. However, his ‘emails of the day’ are obvious hoaxes:8.11.06- I'm a 29 year old, lifelong conservative Republican, and Roman Catholic from Pennsylvania. I'm not sure I agree with you 100% on everything, but I appreciate your intellectual honesty...
I’ve been around a bit, seen a few things, but I have honestly never met anyone who talks like this. The guy who appreciates Sullivan’s dedication to humane values actually said that Sullivan and his blog have given him a sense that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of political darkness.
7.11.06- I was raised in an Irish-Catholic New Deal family... I appreciate your clarity, honesty and dedication to humane values...
2.11.06- I am an upper middle class, stay at home wife and mother of 2. All my life, I have believed in working hard, paying our own way and voting Republican ... but I just don't see how I can at this point in time. Watching you on CNN was a great relief...
30.10.06- I have lived my entire life in the south... You have broken the mold of what I consider to be a conservative and have helped me realize that there is hope to once again unite this country.
28.10.06- I am a proud Liberal and as such, you and I don't agree on some points. However, my observations of you are that above being a Traditional Conservative you are first a Realist and I have a tremendous amount of respect for that.
15.10.06- I grew up in a small town, raised conservative Christian by conservative and amazing parents, turned out gay... Although i don't always agree with you, I always find your opinions insightful.
13.10.06- My entire family is reading your book together, we're giving each other until Thanksgiving when we can all get together and talk about it.
I simply do not believe that Andrew Sullivan and his blog have given this man a sense that there is light at the end of this tunnel of political darkness. Nor do I necessarily believe that Sullivan writes them all himself, though it is clear they are all the work of a sole lunatic.
Who he is, or what drives him (other than his own madness) I don’t know. It’s a pretty dull mystery, as mysteries go.
DEMOCRATS HAVE 49 POINT LEAD, SAY POLES
Atrios has published some posts on his blog just days before the congressional elections. You have to admit, the timing is suspicious.
The Democrats have a 49 point lead, according to the Poles. But what the hell do the Poles know about it? And why are they always poking their noses in?
There are now more than a million Poles in the UK, according to my evil old father. I really like them, though I don’t much care for him. As far as I’m concerned, they are welcome. Where I draw the line is a Turk.
Anyway, so this guy walks down the street with a long stick. Someone says, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
“No, I’m a German. How did you know my name was Valter?”
Ba doom, ba doom, tish!
UPDATE! When I said the Democrats have a 49 point lead, I was obviously referring to their lead over the Welsh Nationalists. Their lead over the Republicans is less solid, more like 13%.
"DEFIANT TO THE END, SADDAM SHOUTS AT JUDGE"
That guy's got serious issues, always yelling and angry. He needs to learn to control his temper, before it gets him into trouble.
He could learn a lot from my father's friend Derek. When he was suffering from stress, he didn't shout at judges, or order massacres. You know what Derek did? He would take the phone of the hook for five minutes and walk around his office, juggling fruit. He made millions.
But are they right to hang Saddam Hussein, of previous good character, for a first offence? Will the death penalty deter other people from committing genocide? It will be egg on face time if they string him up, then it turns out they got the wrong guy.
REPORTER DROWNED LIKE CAT
Is it acceptable to waterboard the Fox News reporters who threaten our way of life? Many would argue, yes, drown them like mangy cats. They don't respect the Geneva Conventions, so why should we?
Others would say that this only makes us as bad as them. If in fighting Fox News reporters we become Fox News reporters ourselves, then the Fox News reporters have won, type of thing.
Maybe they thought they would get valuable information out of him. Fat chance of that. Information given under torture, and on Fox News, is notoriously unreliable. 
Is it better that millions of innocent people get wiped out by a suitcase nuke, or that Japanese women put cats in their mouths? Skip that, that was a dumb question.
Incidentally, this is what your cat would do to you, if he were big enough. Never forget that.
(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)
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