HOW TO DEAL WITH NOISY NEIGHBOURS

1. Close the doors and windows.
2. Go to the kitchen and turn the gas on.
3. Go to the bedroom and light a candle.
4. Go for a walk while your flat explodes.

I haven’t done that yet, but that’s not to say that I won’t. They keep playing that appalling song, that one that goes 'ay ay ay'. (That was a joke, by the way. They all go ‘ay ay ay’.)

Latin America is basically a bunch of people in hats going ‘ay ay ay’ and running each other over.

And another thing: if you park your car outside my building and play reggaeton at full volume at 7am on a Sunday morning, you aren’t an exuberant, hot-blooded Latin; you are a tosser.

And if you cut across two lanes of traffic then shake your fist and shout ‘son of a whore’ at another driver (who is roaring right back at you), you aren’t an exuberant, hot-blooded Latin; you are a tosser.

And if you show up for a meeting an hour and twenty minutes late and ask, “Have you been here long?”, etc., etc., ...tosser.

They’ve been getting away with this shit for far too long. (All real-life examples from the last couple of weeks.)

Four or five months ago my taxi driver got out to have a punch up with another driver, an old git who turned out to be a retired or off-duty cop. So the pig gets his ID out and stands in the middle of the road blowing a whistle to get more police over, my guy drives off, and then we had this, like, car chase for a couple of blocks before we lost him. It was one of those days when you think, “I can’t handle this anymore. I'm moving to Switzerland.”
- posted by Harry Hutton @ 8:19 pm (0) comments