Running away from dogs- the FUN way to fitness
Vibrating ab-belt changed my life
I was unamused by the kitten photos
Chat up line- guaranteed results!
My iPod is a glorified herd of cows
You are more likely to die in a car crash than be eaten by a fox
Which Spice Girl would you eat first?
Woman says her best friends are cats
They're making great strides in China
Buddha joke 2
It's not my real ladder- it's my step-ladder Hitchens bellows at students, sobs uncontrollably
Capricorn- beware of falling masonry King of the blogs competition! This training day is as welcome as a cockroach in my salad I'm in love with a wonderful helicopter
Man, that's what I call real coffee
The Campaign for Real Swearing
How would you like to get your hands on my dong?
This "election" in our revolted colonies is essentially a form of treason
Hitchens' double bluff irony impasse
(That last one from Decline and Fall.)
Hunting debate. Vote now!
07/01/2000 - 08/01/2000
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
08/01/2011 - 09/01/2011
10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011
11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
12/01/2012 - 01/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
04/01/2016 - 05/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
05/01/2018 - 06/01/2018
08/01/2024 - 09/01/2024
THEY LOVE IT REALLY
Bogota- An oaf has been sentenced to four years in jail for slapping a woman on the arse. Police caught the scoundrel, a 22 year-old bicycle messenger, and asked his victim if she wanted to biff him in the chops as a way of cutting though the red tape. But she insisted on pressing charges.
Four years! He would have got less than that for clubbing her over the head with a lump of wood. Indeed, under the Law of Justice and Peace (for demobilised FARC, AUC, etc.) you can get a lighter sentence than that for massacring peasants, as long as you promise not to massacre any more. There’s a moral here, if only I could work out what it was.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ECONOMICS AND POLITICS
I agree with Abu Hamza- up to a point
The time I punched JK Galbraith
Who was worse: Blair or Hitler?
CELEBRITY NEWS
A Rolex, though ugly, will pay for itself in quim
Colombian death squads dump Kate Moss
50 Cent almost too stupid to speak
Nothing fishy about monster carp says Krugman
MEANINGLESS HOAXES
Correspondence with the Ku Klux Klan
Correspondence with Boris Johnsons
British Airways- I'll show those fucks
Is this a library or a bordello?
TEACHING ENGLISH
Your child is an illiterate cabbage
Like a trouser, yet not a trouser The British Council- at least it's not run by a drunk
Non-academic sub-adult clowning
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
No sane man cares about such things
Your daughter is very beautiful, but unfortunately completely stupid
The Dunderheads shall inherit the earth
This is a real pain in the arse
BRITAIN
I'm sick of this country and its stupid taps
The British public are deeply stupid The UK's most successful ethnic group
The man on the Clapham omnibus is a cretin
Reflections on the British drunk
Do you want a punch in the mouth?
How many divisions has Eddie Izzard?
Most of the world’s problems still caused by Britain This country's really gone to hell since we stopped burning papists
Many of my best friends are bishops
Reading, Berkshire, is a dog hole
COLOMBIA
Shut your cake hole, you lunatic
I don't care about human rights that much
That which does not kill you almost kills you
I don't know how much more I can take
VENEZUELA
Dancing on the deck of the Titanic
You toucha my pies, I shoota you head
The pros and cons of domestic violence
Life? Don't talk to me about life
The evil Castro cured my cough
Breast implants out of control
Venezuelan crude is heavy and sour, like the women in High Wycombe
One of those parties that got out of hand
Do you believe everything The Economist tells you?
Don King has lots of good ideas
BLOGGERS
The Instapundit: a master of the bore's craft
Pie attacks on Professor Krugman Eminem, Bin Laden, Tim Blair, etc.
If you don't clear off, I'll set the dogs on you Malkins and Hinderaker: not for an age, but for all time
Instapundit failing the boring man in a pub test
THE GREAT BIG WAR AGAINST TERROR
If you stick your dick in a bees' nest you'll get stung
I am opposed to the hacking off of heads
Iraq- it's all a matter of perspective
Bush pursues terrorist beyond the grave
NORTH KOREA
Kim Jong Il wouldn't do that- it's irrational
If London is still standing in 2020, I'll eat my hat
The time I saw a woman get savaged by a bear
SPORTS JOURNALISM
People who like football should be put in boxes and bulldozed into the sea Please hit our fans with clubs
I love Brazilian Ultimate Fighting
PALESTINE
The time I worked as a film censor in the Gaza Strip
Someone threw a bomb in our garden
It is high time Mr Arafat made up his mind if he is going to live or die
Israel / Palestine- the problem of two men in one trousers
AUSTRALIA
Is it wrong to execute Australians?
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation
LITERATURE
Your severed foot would look good on my coffee table
STUDENT WORK
When you sleep on the "cheap" bed, you will feel it is too bad TRAVEL
Christ were those peasants ugly
TODD MATHERS
MISC
Survey: Britons marginally less unpopular than the French If you like rock music you must be stupid
People now idiots- TV to blame
Goldman Sachs makes billions shorting Goldman Sachs stock
BARRY HUTTON'S POSTS KILLER FACTS! Killer Fact! (Quality of life index) Killer Fact! (British National Party) Killer Fact! (Brazil, World Cup) Killer Fact! (Lenin, Trotsky, Stalin, Engels)
Killer Fact! (Iraq / foxhunting)
Killer Fact! (Drug abuse in Iran)
Killer Fact! (Saddam Hussein / New York Times)
Killer Fact! (Suicide bombers)
Killer Fact! (Australian women)
Killer Fact! (Cocaine mark-ups)
Killer Fact! (Nobel Prizes by nationality)
Killer Fact! (King Shaka of the Zulus)
Killer Fact! (highest-grossing film in history)
Killer Fact! (Churchill's mother)
Killer Fact! (Fastest growing economies)
Killer Fact! (First English sentence)
Killer Fact! (Wodehouse, Raymond Chandler)
Killer Fact! (Swiss Civil War)
Killer Fact! (Alcohol consumption)
Killer Fact! (Anglo-French Wars)
Killer Fact! (Price of barrels)
Killer Fact! (Top ten warmongers)
Killer Fact! (Karl Marx' uncle)
Killer Fact! (Yuletide murders)
Killer Fact! (Romeo and Juliet)
Killer Fact! (New York Times / Saddam Hussein)
Killer Fact! (The Evil Castro)
SITE ANNOUNCEMENT
I have gone to Sinai, there to cleanse the flesh.
I shall live on roots and berries. And visions.
Through suffering there is redemption.
Back on Tuesday. Have a great weekend. 
FOR TRULY GREAT BILLBOARDS YOU GOTTA GO TO PYONGYANG
Quico thinks these giant smiling Chavez posters are sinister, as well as being in questionable taste.
The thing is, based on statues and giant billboards “peppering the landscape” a visitor from North Korea would probably conclude that England is a dictatorship ruled by David Beckham. (In fact, this is not the case: we are a parliamentary democracy ruled by a git.) Of course, for truly great billboards you gotta go to Pyongyang.
It is time to cast out all the fatted calves from the temple. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds apt.
North Korea. Makes up in billboards what it lacks in wine, women and song.
DAVID IRVING
David Irving jailed for Holocaust denial.
Seriously, have you ever met a Holocaust denier? Can you, off the top of your head, name three Holocaust deniers? They don’t scare me. In the UK I would say they are about 900th on the list of dangers, behind escaped zoo animals and clumsy people with hot drinks.
People who don’t look where they are going are a genuine menace, but once again our political class buries its head in the sand.
ACCENTUATE THE NEGATIVE
They’re still going on about that Cheney thing. Jesus, you shoot one lawyer…
This week he hasn’t shot anyone, though you’d never learn that from the Mainstream Media. 
Once, when I was a young sprout, I saw some dead pheasants our kitchen, and noticed that they had holes in them. “Daddy, have these been shot?” I asked. “No,” he said. “They give themselves up.”
Nasty old man.
WHO WAS WORSE, BLAIR OR HITLER?
“I think Blair has always meant well,” writes Brian Micklethwait, responding to my last post. Sorry, Brian, I can’t agree with you. In my opinion he’s worse than Hitler*.
Hitler had his faults, of course, as he himself would be the first to admit. Many of his “Nazi theories” have now been debunked. With the benefit of hindsight his invasion of Russia was ill-conceived, and his scheme to exterminate the “lesser races” has been widely discredited.
But once you accept his premises –lebensraum, the supremacy of the Ayran race, etc.- his actions did have a kind of loony logic. He meant well. Blair, on the other hand, is working single-mindedly for the triumph of Evil. Only when you have grasped this do his policies make any sense.
Now I’m not trying to defend the Nazis here, don’t get me wrong, but they did at least leave behind a few autobahns. Labour merely fucked up the railways, with no compensating benefits. Whether they “meant well” is beside the point, though in my opinion they did not mean well, but were motivated by malice, hatred of the British public, and the sheer joy of wrecking.
Can you imagine Blair taking responsibility for the state of Network Rail, and shooting himself in a burning bunker? Of course you can't. At least Hitler could admit when he was wrong.
*Adolf Hitler, a controversial Austrian politician. Unsound on ID cards.
MAD RULER BANS MORE STUFF
It’s been a pretty good week for all you non-smoking, non-terrorism glorifying, pro-ID card tossers. All going your way at the moment, isn’t it? Must be feeling pretty pleased with yourselves.
For now you triumph. But you’ll get your comeuppance, you swine. That slippery villain is going to ruin us all. You think he doesn’t have plans for you too? You think that just because you don’t smoke or glorify terrorists you’re off the hook? Just wait. You’re gonna learn the hard way. 
What’s this madman going to ban next?
THE CHENEY SHOOTING- HAVE YOUR SAY
Will shooting an old man in the face damage Cheney politically? What do you think?
What do the experts say?
“Will it damage him politically? Probably not,” said Joseph Newport, senior analyst for Gallup. “I mean, shoot one lawyer, you can probably laugh it off. Makes you look human. But don’t make a habit of it. Shoot more than a couple of dozen and focus groups start to see you as an angry, divisive figure.”
What a wonderful news story! I doubt we’ll see a better one in 2006. He has caused more joy by shooting that old man in the face than he managed with his entire political career. Forget about Halliburton and the Energy Task Force: it is for this that he should be remembered.
A POGROM OF QUAILS
I'm sorry, but there's nothing remotely funny about the Vice President of the United States shooting an old codger in the face after mistaking him for a quail. Media guttersnipes. They think they can distract us from a record trade deficit with idiotic stories about people Dick Cheney has shot.
Look, nobody normal is going to object if the he mows down a few lawyers from time to time. If the Vice President feels the need to let off steam by shooting his friends in the face, that is surely a matter for him. It's better than bottling it up, and if he can help keep the lawyer population under control he’ll be doing something useful for once in his worthless life. But what kind of bloodthirsty ghoul wants to spend his leisure hours massacring quails? Not even normal quails, mark you, but special slow wheezing quails, bred for feeble-mindedness, that stand there looking confused as you blast them at point-blank range. Of 500 birds they managed to annihilate 417: that isn’t a hunt, it’s a fucking pogrom. I guess that in those lawyer / Vice President circles the concept of a "sporting chance" doesn't really compute.
Walking around eating seeds and saying "cheep" isn’t much of a life, but to many quails it’s the only life they know, and the decision to end it should not be Dick Cheney’s. Lawyers are another matter, of course. I’ve often thought of going out and hunting them myself. Quite apart from the sport, it would be in the public interest. On the other hand, what have the public ever done for me?
A quail, recently. I simply cannot understand the mentality of someone who can see a beautiful live little creature and want to shoot it, anymore than I can understand people who drop litter, burn down embassies, wear jewellery, listen to Wagner…
The way other people behave is completely unintelligible. I sometimes worry that I’m the only normal one left.
KILLER FACT!
Pablo Escobar's son is now a University Professor in Buenos Aires. He teaches Industrial Design, and calls himself Sebastian Marroquin Caballero as a nom de false. 
Source: a book by Escobar's a-hole lawyer.
OOH, MY SIDES
Some comedy champagne from Norfolk police this week: 
A crime victim has criticised a police e-fit of a suspect.... "I don't think I've ever seen anyone who looks like that in Stalham or anywhere else in my life.... Apparently the problem with the moustache was that the police only had long moustaches on their computer so they had to sort of chop it off at the ends." A spokesman for Norfolk Police said: "We couldn't comment on current e-fits as that might jeopardise investigations."
"If he really looks like that we shouldn’t have too much trouble finding him," said a policeman, who asked not to be named.
And this, according to them, is a would-be baby snatcher.
UPDATE!
There's a coffee-tasting event in Colombia at the moment. It said in the paper that the judges taste more than 200 spoonfuls of coffee in a day. Which is equivalent to 48.7 minutes of British television in terms of twitching, headaches, nausea and irritability.
KILLER FACT!
A gram of pure cocaine is equivalent to 87.3 mugs of tea in terms of stimulant effect, according to a study by the University of East Anglia.
“Don’t imprison the tea in, like, bags,” Professor Henry Toadstool told BBC Radio Norfolk. “You gotta use leaf tea. It gets into the bloodstream quicker and totally mashes your ‘ead.”
..........................................
In other narco news, Edgar at Cocaine Corner has written a 900-word essay about his left nostril.
I was trying to think of something that would make me riot. Not much, to be honest with you. The only thing I could think of was if they tried to make me join the army, or pay back my student loan. If Blair abolished parliament and declared himself Lord Protector I would be irritated, certainly; but irritated enough to haul myself out of my armchair and commit acts of violence in Grosvenor Square? I hardly think so.
I HAVE LOST TRACK OF WHO IS ATTACKING WHAT
You may have missed it, but a couple of weeks ago Denmark also had a diplomatic row with Colombia. A man in Copenhagen is selling FARC t-shirts, which is the typical twerpish sort of thing you would expect a Scandinavian progressive to do. In itself, no big deal; except that this guy actually sends some of the proceeds to the guerrillas, and everyone in Bogota was huffing and puffing about it. I don't remember if anyone ever got round to attacking the Danish Embassy. There's so much other aggravation going on these days that one loses track of who is attacking what.
If the Danes are looking for someone else to piss off for an encore they might want to consider China's "millions of mouth-frothing, Japan-hating, America-hating, Taiwan-hating ultra-nationalist students." They're probably the only other people who could be provoked into rioting by a mere cartoon. The slightest thing sets them off.
RATADORS
Saw a bull fight on TV the other day. The bull lost. It’s a pretty poor sport. You could create a similar afternoon’s amusement by poking a caged rat for a couple of hours, then blowing its head off with a pistol.
When I was at Oxford with Boris Johnsons no one could call himself a Corinthian who hadn’t raced around Scone College quad with a live ferret down his britches. The other chaps would try to whack it with croquet mallets.
This was before they let women in, of course.
KILLER FACT!
For the third year running, the Vietnamese are the most optimistic people in the world. Bosnians are the most pessimistic, according to the survey, though I find it hard to believe that anyone is more pessimistic than those miserable bloody Swiss. God, I hate the Swiss.
Had an interesting chat with Krugman the other day. He was saying that America's deficits could trigger a debt crisis, a run on the dollar, a spike in interest rates, the collapse of the housing market and a world recession. Then he starts on about Iran's "inevitable" acquisition of nuclear weapons, "which could find their way into the hands of terrorist groups..."
I held up a hand to interrupt him.
"The trouble with you, Krugman," I said, "is that you're a pessimist." And I squirted him in the face with my joke shop plastic flower.
(More Killer Facts and other things in the archives.)
Blogger profile
Normblog profile
Don't Date Him Girl.com
Home video
Twitter page
LINKS
NO2ID
Fitwatch
The Queen
NOT SUITABLE FOR MINERS
Emerald Bile
Hung Bunny
Old Holborn
The Magistrate's Blog
THE BIG LYCHEE
Batgung
Flagrant Harbour
Fumier
Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotsblog
Hemlock's Diary
Nude king
Ordinary Gweilo
Pigdogfucker
Seelai
Simonworld
Give me spirit fingers
The Shaky Kaiser
LAND OF THE DINGO
Tim Blair
Bastards Inc
The Love Quote
Tony T
Will Type for Food
MUD ISLAND
Ambulance driver's blog
Aunty Marianne
Virtual Stoa
Eric the Unread
Apostate Windbag
Backward Dave
Blood and Treasure
Brian Appleyard
Brian Micklethwait
Bristling Badger
British Bulldog
Chicken yoghurt
The man on the Clapham omnibus
Copper's Blog
Crooked Timber
The curmudgeon
Ian Dale
Deleted by tomorrow
Devil's Kitchen
Disappointed of West Egg
Doctor Vee
Drink soaked Trostykist popinjays for war
Dsquared
Eskimo
Fat Sparrow
A Fistful of Euros
Flying Rodent
Frank Chalk
Freedom and Whisky
Guest speaker's and writer's corner
Guido Fawkes
Hak Mao
Harry's Place
Horse's Ass Pub
Inspector Gadget
Jah Jah Dub
Japing Ape
Jomama
Jonny Billericay
JuliusB
Konichiwa Bitches
It's a dog's life
Laban the Tall
A Londoner's Life
Manuel Estimulo
My boyfriend is a twat
Natalie Solent
Nick Barlow
Normblog
Patrick Crozier
Pooter Geek
Pub philosopher
Samizdata
Scary Duck
Shuggy
Streams of Consciousness
Squander Two
Tampon Teabag
Thin Blue Line
This is this
Tim Worstall
Twenty Major
Where's the Kaboom?
REVOLTED COLONIES
Alicublog
Angua
Aunt Jemima
Bete du jour
Blair Necessities
Bogol
Demokat
Firedoglake
Jessica Coen
MaxSpeak
Publius Pundit
The People's Republic of Seabrook
Spacestation Shuttle Blog
Tony Pierce
Vice Squad
Zembla
SEAL-CLUBBING DOMINION
Eroticalee (Achtung! Not worksafe.)
LIVING THE VENEZUELAN DREAM
Caracas Chronicles
The Devil's Excrement
vcrisis
Alfredo Octavio
Venezuela News and Views
Oil Wars
Borev
Colombia Reports
HUGUENOTS
Brad Delong
Kim Du Toit
WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGES. JOIN THE NO2ID CAMPAIGN
email: harryjhutton{*}yahoo.com
©Not copyright. Take anything you like, I couldn't give a toss.